Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
