Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
