i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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