yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i believe in u and ur pee
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
