Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
