I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
