dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
