I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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