I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
