Non-Jews are for practice
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
