I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
