Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
