wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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