alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bring money and cleavage
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
