God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
