I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
