I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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