She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance