How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you would pick up someone in the library
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
