I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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