bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
