soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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