he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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