It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He shit in the fireplace
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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