My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
