I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
