Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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