he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
