just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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