Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
