i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
