god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
