I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
