Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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