spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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