I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
