i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
