how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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