she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize