wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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