How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
