im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
