I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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