Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
