I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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