Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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