so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize