My brain says no but my pants say off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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