The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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