spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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