mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
