I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
