I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
