OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
