The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
