So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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