I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
