Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
