I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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