Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
