That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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