My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
