youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
