You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I die, sorry about rent.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
