his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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