when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
