the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
