I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
