if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
